Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
