I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
