cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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