So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
