Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My ass is underappreciated
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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