Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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