Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize