So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
