You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
