drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
