it wasn't lemon gatorade
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
