I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need water and some morals
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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