I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
