You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
