I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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