She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
