The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
