Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize