We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
