The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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