it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
