the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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