loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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