eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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