I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
