it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
