Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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