It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I CAN MOONWALK!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
