I wanna passion pit in your ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize