there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
