how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
