So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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