so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
