I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
