The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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