My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
