it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize