Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
