Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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