I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
