Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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