My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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