After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
