Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
