I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
