best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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