I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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