I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
