I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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