We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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