I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
