That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
