you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
