If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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