My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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