forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
