somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
