I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're like the curious george of whores
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can I color on your dick again?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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