she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
