Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
