Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
