also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
