Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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