I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
