so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize