so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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