Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
