after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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