Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I did not marry a roomba.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
