It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
