Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There r osticjed everywhere
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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