nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
