I must be too annoying 4 u.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
