Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up under a house in Key West
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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