Joe is yelling at the trees again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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