And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize